Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Breast Cancer Is A Residual Kind Of Thing ...

Before you say you need to get your life back to someone that's survived Breast Cancer please read this.  When I tell you the effects are residual, I mean it and not always in a good way.  I'm 8 years out and I'm still stumbling to stand ground on the uncertainty  Breast Cancer has brought to my world.  Let me tell you about a few things cancer has taken from me.  Breast Cancer took away my ability to feel safe, under any circumstance.  Every single day I feel like I'm running for shelter from the pain, yet I know this type of shelter will never exist for me.  Funny thing, I'm the shelter for so many to feel safe.  How is it I can provide shelter for so many yet not find shelter for myself?  Breast Cancer took away my ability to look at myself in the mirror and love myself,  because who loves ugly?  Oh I've heard it all before,  you're here that's the most important thing.  Please if you are a part of my family and reading this don't ever say that to me again.  In some way you're trivializing the way I feel about my appearance.  Of course I'm here and that's the most important thing but don't sweep my feelings of "ugly" under the rug because the truth is that hurts more.  Breast Cancer also took away my ability to be carefree,  I mean truly carefree because always in the back of my mind I'm wondering when the next bomb is going to drop.  Residual after residual Breast Cancer keeps on giving.  Now not all Breast Cancer residuals are horrible, sometimes they can be funny like say for instance ... The fact that I had to have a hysterectomy after the Breast Cancer and now hot flashes are a daily part of my life.  Or the fact that I have altered my choice of wardrobe on a daily basis due to these hot flashes including recently when we buried a family member and I walked into the funeral home with black on from head to toe but sleeveless because you know the "hot flash thing".  I sit down next to my Italian mother and she smacks me, hard!  What's wrong with you Mia this is a funeral home and we are going to be in church this morning and your arms are showing!  Now she's pinching me under the arm, yes after the smack I get a pinch and not any old pinch an Italian Mother pinch!  Mom you know I have hot flashes ... Mia I don't care what you have don't take your coat off until we get to lunch.  Hence fur coat on in funeral home and two hours of church I had many many hot flashes!  Like I said the side effects of Breast Cancer go on and on and on .... Oh well I'm moving forward it's a New Year!  And Happy New Year to all!