What Breast Cancer Taught Me Good Friends Are Few And Far Between

I'm not good with mean period.  But for me what's worse than mean is intentional mean, that's the kind of mean when someone throws you under the bus (we've all had that) but then puts the bus in reverse and stomps on the gas pedal.  That's when I pick up my pen and blog.  You see I know some things about life that most people don't.  As a breast cancer survivor I know life really is short!  Don't sweat the small stuff!  Choose to laugh when at all possible.  Love your children unconditionally and take care of good friends.  So it's fair to say I'm not good when someone thinks they're going to "teach" me a lesson especially when I've done nothing and I mean nothing to deserve such childish, hurtful behavior!  Two of my "best friends" (saying term loosely) decided they don't care for my daughter that has moved into my home in Arizona.  They can't seem to wait until I get off of the plane to talk about her and try and get her in trouble.  Now I didn't give birth in the traditional fashion to this child but she is none the less mine 100%  So if you know me,  you know if you screw with my kids you screw with me.  Numerous times I flew into Arizona the last few months and numerous times one of my friends tried to pick on my daughter.  Each and every time I let it go, (don't sweat the small stuff) right?  Really as my friend it isn't a requirement for you to like any of my kids but you had better be nice to them, especially when I am kind to your children.  I guess as a punishment for them not liking my kid they decided on my birthday they wouldn't come over to say Happy Birthday to me (we live four doors down from one another) the excuse being they didn't know what to do with my daughter there and her boyfriend.  I don't know how about knock on the door?  Just saying.  And four days later when I had surgery they decided that they wouldn't or couldn't knock on the door again because they didn't know what to do because again my daughter was there and what about her boyfriend?  Wait, if my memory serves me correctly I flew to New York last summer, cut my summer in Scottsdale short because I wanted to be there for my dear friend who was celebrating her birthday in New York and her sister that was throwing the party!   And they can't knock on my door to wish me a Happy Birthday or see how my surgery went?  Hit me with a two by four because I'm missing something.  I had to fly back to Chicago and think about how to respond to such nonsense. Thank goodness my Italian father taught me to sit on things and think about them before you act or say a thing!  Were they trying to teach me a lesson?  Don't you think after breast cancer I've learned enough lessons? What lesson did you possibly think you were going to teach me that I haven't learned after facing death head on and cutting off my boobs?   Well let me tell you the lesson you taught me. The lesson you taught me is that you are not my good friends because friends wouldn't treat good friends in such a thoughtless fashion.  The friendship is now ruined and to be quite honest after cancer friends like this I don't need.  But I want to share something with you,  had the tables been turned and the devil himself were at your home I would have knocked on your door with a bible in my hand to be with you on your birthday because I know how very precious birthdays are, and I would have come over after your surgery because after all that's what good friends do.  

Motor Vehicle Commission Pictures And Breast Cancer

You know I take the feelings of women with breast cancer very seriously as I myself had my feelings hurt so many times during treatment and after treatment as well.  I read this article today and to say I saw pink was an understatement.  Joanne Jodry, 53, from Neptune City, New Jersey, was diagnosed with stage-two breast cancer in April.  When she went to renew her license, the mother asked if she could use her old photo, which shows her with long blonde hair.  The Motor Vehicle Commission in Freehold told her she had to take a new photo, although she was allowed to wear a head scarf.  Imagine that, she was allowed to wear a head scarf an extension of kindness from the Motor Vehicle Commission I hope I never have to use!  Clearly Joanne I understand, you had no hair, no eyelashes and just plain look like crap so keeping your old picture was important for you.  We all want to go back to what we looked like pre-cancer, a reasonable request.  By the way, I won't mention how you feel during treatment time as I don't want to confuse the Motor Vehicle Commission with too many 

"things" at once.  Bad enough to feel like crap but to look like crap too adds insult to injury.  I'm sorry you and your daughter were left to tears over some rule that certainly any compassionate human being would have bent.  Not like the Motor And Vehicle Commission has never bent the rules or anything,  just saying.   Marian Bullock, an MVC spokeswoman, said the agency is bound to comply with state law, which requires a new picture every eight years for security purposes.   Marian I agree we must comply with the law however I think as the spokesperson for the Motor Vehicle Commission  certainly you can see what needs to be done to make this accommodation available to women battling  breast cancer or better yet any person battling cancer!  More importantly,  as a woman you have a moral obligation to see this through with a certain amount of compassion!  These days we all know someone battling cancer and what does it say for us as women if we don't do everything in our power lend our hand?  Lastly, to Joanne I saw the new picture, and I get it you feel terrible about yourself,   this is what I have to say to you Joanne, thank you for bringing this to my attention, thank you for caring enough about the countless women that will go get their license renewed while going through treatment and for looking out for them!  God knew I needed to see this and Joanne this too shall pass.  The only thing I see wrong in the new picture is that you didn't flip the bird!  I would have flipped the bird!  In case you would like to read the whole article here is the link!  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3263789/Woman-lost-hair-cancer-use-old-license-photo.html

Quiet Reflection

The holidays are over and I thought that I would be blogging away this holiday season about Breast Cancer and I was wrong.  I had a ton of good ideas however my  heart was not in it, for some reason I just didn’t have enough alone time to create it,  write it,  and feel it… This year the holidays were more a quiet time of reflection, and perhaps in it’s own way that was a message of it’s own.  This was the first Christmas in five years that I felt like myself, physically and mentally, minus my boobs that is.  Some people reading this could never comprehend how Breast Cancer can paralyze so many areas of you life,  I myself could never have imagined,  however that is why I blog to tell the real “truth’s” of Breast Cancer.   What made this Holiday Season more reflective than the past five?  … It was the first time in five years I was able to wear clothing that fit properly and reflects my personality since the Breast Cancer.  For some women this would not be an issue, for me it was.  I have always worked in the world of fashion and to not be able to express myself was a prison of it’s own.  I am also in the process of opening a storefront,  a business born from the ugliness that Breast Cancer brought to my life.  Who would have thought I would have ever left the comfort of standing behind the chair to dare and do something different,  I am not sure I would have had the courage had it not been for the Breast Cancer.  Cancer somehow makes you fearless, who cares if you fail or piss someone off,  those things are no longer an issue.   Because the truth is the real joy of the “Season” is being thankful for all that you do have and spending the Holiday Season with people closest to your heart.  Yes, quiet reflection was exactly what this Holiday Season warranted for me, it was what I needed, to just be still and feel all that is going on around me.

My Friend Just Doesn’t Understand My Pain

Each and every one of us has lost a friendship to Breast Cancer so to speak.  Yep I know you are thinking about that person right now, well let’s talk about it.  The one friend that just doesn’t understand the depth of what you are going thru.   The one friend that goes on with her life like nothing is wrong.  The friend that shows up in her skin tight clothing.   She barely calls and has no time to stop by, and if she does stop by it is just for a minute because she has to go back to her busy life.  Breast Cancer changes every single thing in your life and friendships are in the Top 10!  First thing to do is to realize that anyone that can move on with their life so freely as if nothing was wrong,  is probably a best friend not worth having.  I know that sucks.  It really throws off our balance mentally and physically so I am going to help you out with the mental part of losing a friend.  I was raised by two very tough Italian Parents who taught me to be good with me.  I think nothing of dropping a person out my inner circle,  because your inner circle should act like a revolving door and only people that raise you up should be inside your revolving door.  Remember this is a second chance at life, choose the people you allow in your revolving door wisely.  And for everyone newly diagnosed with Breast Cancer print this blog for future reference.  Trust me!

The Pink Puzzle

When one is diagnosed with Breast Cancer one really has no clue how many things the Breast Cancer will take with it.  Guess what it’s not just your boobs that the Breast Cancer takes,  it is so much more than that.  I wish it was cut and dry the loosing your boobies thing, (no pun intended)  but it is not.  When the treatments and the surgeries are over and you are starting to get your life back again that is when it hits you!    Wait a minute everything has changed, relationships, lack of energy, kids, work, the way you look at yourself in the mirror, the way people look at you, all of it.   How does a girl get her life back after all of this?  The truth of the matter is it is not easy.  I wish I was lying to you but I am not.  I have found there is no quick cure for the disruption of our lives, no pill, no injections and no surgery to fix this one,  sorry ladies this will be old fashioned hard work on your part.  To reclaim your life  is up to you, period.  I want to warn you right now once you start reclaiming your life back it is hard to stop because each little piece belongs to one big puzzle and we want so badly for our puzzle to be complete again and fast.  The Breast Cancer is over, isn’t it? “NOT”!  Start small, take time for meditation, time at the gym, get your hair done, whatever it takes to make you feel good do it.  The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to learn to tell others “NO”!  Not so easy that one.   I piss people off left and right now, (only fair to say that I pissed people off before Breast Cancer too),  however now there are just more of them.  There will be people or situations in your life that no longer fit the puzzle, this is normal ladies.  Stop beating yourself up about it, pick yourself up off the floor, peel yourself up off the floor if necessary, do whatever it takes.  You now know the importance of time and how very precious it is, you have been given a second chance, use it.  And one more thing, don’t think twice about saying “NO”!

Feeling Alone After Your Breast Cancer Diagnosis

After you are diagnosed with Breast Cancer life as you know it has forever changed.  Chances are you will be surrounded by tons of family and friends and that will keep your mind busy and off of things temporarily.  But what we all really feel is how alone we are,  you see we can be surrounded by tons of people at the time of diagnosis but the real truth is that we are really all alone.  Because it is in our bodies that the tumor or tumors have taken over and begun what I call the cancer dance.  How does one process all of this with so many things going on around you and inside of you.  Quite difficult to entertain the fact that we have Breast Cancer, don’t you think?  This is how I felt,  surrounded by tons of people and all alone, because the cancer took up residence inside of me!  I write this so you know this is how most of us feel after diagnosis, alone.  This is very normal, do not think you stand alone!  It is now time to gather up everything you have to start the fight of a lifetime.  Entertaining the emptiness you feel after diagnosis is the only way to move forward.  This for me was the beginning of a most difficult journey ladies, one I now know is a lifetime journey.  Follow me while I chronicle my Breast Cancer journey and touch some very difficult subjects that Breast Cancer brings with it.  I will blog situations and feelings, I will blog the bitter truth about all things.  And today’s lesson?  Acknowledge the emptiness you feel at diagnosis time,  sit with it, think about it, talk about it and then pick yourself up because guess what ladies?  There is life after Breast Cancer!  And life is for the living.  

Treating The Whole Woman ... Not Just Breast Cancer

Treating The Whole Woman……… Breast Cancer

Who ever thinks they are going to be diagnosed with Breast Cancer?  Not me that was for sure…but here it was taking up residence in my breast pending a possible early release of my life.  I remember feeling ashamed that I was diagnosed, embarrassed and disappointed that my body had let me down.  A certain paranoia takes over right after my diagnosis as the surgeon says to me now I have to figure out if it’s anywhere else in your body.  Did he just say that?  Up to this point there was never any talk of cancer being anywhere else in my body, now I have to go home with this information and pretend I am alright?  Well I am not alright, and to be honest this sucks and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be a part of this.    The waiting game now begins, test after test, appointment after appointment and the thought of losing my breasts, way too much for one person to handle.    I was hoping to wake up from this dream but no go,  now comes what I call the big waiting game… a good couple of weeks when you have very few answers.  Great, I have a doctor for my diagnosis, a doctor to put me asleep for my surgeries,  a doctor to take out the tumor, a doctor to put in the expanders and a doctor for the nasty ugly thing called chemo!  Now here comes the point of this blog, if you have a doctor for each aspect of your Breast Cancer why is there not a doctor to help your brain process all of this?   Why didn’t anyone prescribe something to calm my nerves down so I could clear my head and get some sleep?  Oh I see the hospital I chose will take care of every body part from my neck down but my brain, that is my problem.  Epic medical fail!  Are you listening doctors and hospitals? I don’t care how proficient you think your staff is or how state of the art your facility is, if you are not treating the whole woman then you are not treating all of the Breast Cancer.  This can lead to many future problems for the woman diagnosed that extends far beyond her breasts.  I bring attention to this because I felt is was the biggest disconnect of my Breast Cancer journey.  I suggest you arm yourself if you are newly diagnosed  with as much information as possible and demand treatment of the whole woman, not just the breasts and if you happen to have a team of doctors that is not listening… then run like hell and find a different hospital and yes, you do have a choice!